Men Are Pants

The Box is a tool dedicated to 'naming and shaming' the man who is now, hopefully, out of our lives. He is the one responsible for making us cry, doubt ourselves and downright sad! He's the one that's let us down consistently and left our hearts shattered into a pile of broken pieces. The Box is our opportunity to share his behaviour with the female population at large and explain what exactly makes him deserving of this humiliating honour!

The man appearing in the box for October is the confused and fickle northern monkey whose idea of exclusivity is taking himself off on holiday and then disappearing off the face of the earth! Stuart is certainly one of those men that you need to give a very wide birth, especially if you are looking for something more meaningful than a quick grope and lot of self gratified grunting! A classic charmer by nature, so is it really any surprise that foreplay doesn’t feature into his vocabulary and he needs a map to even understand the location of the clitoris???? And to top it all, and make him even more appealing to the unsuspecting female, is that he has a very large insecurity complex due to a particularly small lower brain! I mean as we salute the larger than average offering, so we must also laugh and tease the smaller than average appendage!!!! Come on Stuart when you decide to try and treat us like a booty call, at least offer us ladies something worth thinking about….

Or maybe that is our heartthrobs’ problem. A small disco stick isn’t exactly the most appealing of attributes and maybe that is why he runs from one disaster to another! So apart from that he has everything going from him, including the psycho ex, the stressful job of trying to run his own business and not doing a very good job of it, and probably a very nasty and smelly disease picked up on a recent foreign vacation! Oh and he likes to take his friends out on dates with him. Must be the moral support side of things? And here was me thinking it was only girls that went to toilets in pairs….

So Stuart a few words of wisdom from someone that professes to know a little about life and male behaviour traits. It is a common courtesy to reply to texts and messages, especially if you have agreed on exclusivity. If you just want a shag then find someone that suits that profile, rather than try to forge a relationship with someone &then let them down. Foreplay is not only an art, but it is generally a requirement for a happy relationship and let’s face it, having a small penis means that you really need to develop a skill that will keep a lady interested! A period is a monthly female attribute and not something to fear or sulk about! It happens, get over it. Oh yea and if you decide to play away from home whilst on holiday, then wrap up safely! These things do have the habit of coming back to bite you! Putting it out and about like that can make it shrivel up even more! Or maybe that has already happened….

Anyway Stuart this toast is to you!!!! You have been crowned King of the Box for this month, and here’s hoping that this alone will make you realise that your behaviour is not only unacceptable, but really quite laughable. You’ll be glad to know that the lady that got away has moved onto ‘bigger’ and better things, but as for you try and grow up, metaphorically speaking that is, and don’t be Stu…pid! If you have to live with what God has given you, at least invest in a manual that shows you where the clitoris is and explains the importance of foreplay. It’s a core competence in the bedroom for the average lady, and you may even get to understand how to actually hit the g-spot! It may be hard with what you have on offer, but hey where there is a will, there is a way…. Well that is what we would like you to believe anyway!

For previous occupants of The Box, please click here